Alien yet Familiar

It's been a rather uneventful pregnancy so far, aside from some pesky blood pressure issues that seem to finally be under control (? - knock on wood just to be sure). In fact, since we confirmed the pregnancy, I rarely FEEL pregnant. Well, aside from the random bits of fatigue... and more-than-occasional instances of diminishing appetite... or the lack of weight gain. Most days, I'm barely aware that something BIG is going on within me, and it's been hard to grapple with that. Sure, I've had more than my fair share of ultrasounds (due to aforementioned b/p issues) that confirm that yes, there is life growing inside of me, but since I haven't been exposed to the more notorious pregnancy symptoms (nausea, puking, etc.), it often feels as if nothing extraordinary is happening.

And then I started to feel... something. They tell you that at first it feels like flutters... or taps from the inside. Right around 17 weeks, I did feel something, but honestly, it very well could have been my system adjusting due to digestion. Even if it was ongoing, it was hard to feel as if it were some small being inside saying hello. And yet they continue, and I have to admit, it's freaking WEIRD.

Every so often, I feel it.. a series of taps or flutters, or an occasional adjustment - that was a weird one, walking through Macy's with J, stopping because it felt as if things were simply MOVING inside. It was kind of nice, though, as my insistent need to find the closest ladies' room was suddenly abated. Thanks, little one!

But what has been the weirdest thing so far has been the extraordinary juxtaposition of these feelings being all at once alien and yet so familiar. There are times when the movements just strike me as sublimely surreal. I mean, really... there is something growing inside of me. A soon-to-be person... it's hard to wrap my head around. And so when said person makes his/her presence known...well... it brings about feelings and ideas that are simply difficult to grapple with.

And with all of the strangeness of it, the movements occasionally feel something akin to familiar. As if I have experienced this before. As if it were.. natural? Maybe I'm getting used to it. Maybe my body recognizes this as a process much greater than my simple individual self. I'm most likely over thinking all of this (surprise?). In any case, it's something I did not really anticipate when this started.